How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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