I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
