I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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