Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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