We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
