so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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