I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
