i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
