Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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