Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Buhtt sex?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
