No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
