I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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