This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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