I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
did you just send me my own nude
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
not ubering you a puppy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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