Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
