Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
