The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
