We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
