I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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