i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
