thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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