dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
