What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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