Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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