your parents love me but you hate me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
