there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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