bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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