I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
