i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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