He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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