We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
