Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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