I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
