My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
