i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
