My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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