shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
