If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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