How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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