I just saw a hot homeless man
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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