u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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