Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
