No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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