I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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