being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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