Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize