I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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