my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
