I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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