If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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