can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
