Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
