i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
