whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
