if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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