I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
