But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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