then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
