There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
